<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Spiralling by Blondie4404</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28872351">Spiralling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blondie4404/pseuds/Blondie4404'>Blondie4404</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Blondie’s Angst (tissues recommended!) [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adrien Agreste Salt, Adrien Agreste is a spleenless coward, Angst, Angst and Feels, Borderline Suicidal Marinette, Bullying, Depressed Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Depression, Harassment, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Lila Rossi Lies, Lila Rossi salt, Major Salt, Mentioned Lila Rossi, Other, Sad times, Salt, Spiralling, Suicidal Thoughts, lying, mental health warning, trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:48:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28872351</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blondie4404/pseuds/Blondie4404</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s not hurting anyone.”</p><p>“Don’t stand up against her, it’ll make her into an akuma.”</p><p>“Don’t rock the boat.”</p><p>“She’s not doing anything wrong.”</p><p>“Stop being selfish.”</p><p>“Why does it matter?”</p><p>“You’re our everyday Ladybug, Marinette. You can handle it.”</p><p>“Don’t make a big deal out of it.”</p><p>“You can still be a part of the class, just give up on exposing Lila.”</p><p>“Give up class president, Lila needs it.”</p><p>“Lila needs to be in the front.”</p><p>“Let it go.”</p><p>“You don’t need it, let Lila have it.”</p><p>“It’s not hurting anyone.”</p><p>Yeah, right. That is complete bullshit.</p><p>——</p><p>TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS(ish) AND HEAVY HEAVY DEPRESSION</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Blondie’s Angst (tissues recommended!) [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>215</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Spiralling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTAL HEALTH.<br/>This is kind of based off a spiral I had today, because I felt severely invalidated. I was basically told that what I write and do will never measure up to someone else, and that I don’t deserve what I had achieved. A friend (mentioned as rock/Tikki) told me to express myself via a salt fic. So, here we are.</p><p>Please please please do not be like me and get actual help if you feel this way. My outlet is through my fics and they help me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“It’s not hurting anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t stand up against her, it’ll make her into an akuma.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t rock the boat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s not doing anything wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop being selfish.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why does it matter?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re our everyday Ladybug, Marinette. You can handle it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make a big deal out of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can still be a part of the class, just give up on exposing Lila.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give up class president, Lila needs it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lila needs to be in the front.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let it go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need it, let Lila have it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not hurting anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah, right. That is complete bullshit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>———</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette had let Lila win. She did it for Adrien, who was now revealed to be a spineless coward. Her crush on that boy had died quicker than her reputation. Marinette had stopped calling the liar out, and now the situation had spiralled so out of control it took everything in Marinette to not become an akuma.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was spiralling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>   Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>       Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>         Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>            Spiralling </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>               Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                  Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                     Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                        Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                           Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                              Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                 Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                    Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                       Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                         Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                           Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                             Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                              Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                               Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                               Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                              Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                             Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                           Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                         Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                       Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                    Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                 Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                              Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                           Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                        Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                     Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                  Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>               Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>            Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>         Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>       Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>   Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spiralling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help it. Her thoughts spiralled beyond control, and not even Tikki could pull her out of it. It took all her self control to lay in her bed, to not get out and do something she would regret. But her wrists just felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>off</span>
  </em>
  <span> and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>weak</span>
  </em>
  <span> that- how hard would it be to take a-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. She would not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Could not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette was spiralling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In suit she had to deal with a cat boy who insisted that they were meant to be. That Ladybug and Chat Noir were soulmates. He would not take no for an answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Out of suit she had to deal with her social life falling apart as she did too little too late. Her friends all left her, and she became a social pariah. Left for the next best thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And her feelings were being invalidated by the one person who knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette had always been independent, never really relying on her parents. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought</span>
  </em>
  <span> of her troubles coming out was unthinkable. She didn’t want to be a burden. She didn’t want to worry her parents. They were already so, so busy with the bakery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tikki was the only one she could rely on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tikki was the only reason she had the will to stay in bed, and just f a d e o u t   f r o m  r e a l i t y.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tikki had no idea how much she meant to Marinette.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tikki was the rock so heavily grounding that Marinette was afraid of relying on it too much- so it would not break.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She would not make her rock toxic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, Marinette would numb her emotions. Let her depression expand and become a black hole encompassing her body. Chilling her to her heart and soul. Making her shiver even under heavy comforters and electric blankets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could not afford to spiral again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, Marinette would take feeling invalidated and feeling alone rather than lean on someone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette needed to stay strong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For Paris. For her parents. For Tikki. For herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, but how she wanted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> without worry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wanted to be happy, but she always felt d i s c o n n e c t e d from the friends that she still had. Luke, Kagami, Chloe- all of them seemed happier and better off without her. She felt there was a wall separating her from being truly happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So she faked her smiles. Faked her laughs. Faked her happiness and hid away her black hole.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes she even fooled herself. But then she would remember, and the black hole would come back tenfold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sucking away every drop of happiness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>   Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>       Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>         Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>            Drip </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>               Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                  Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                     Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                        Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                           Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                              Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                 Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                    Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                       Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                         Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                           Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                             Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                              Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                               Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                               Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                              Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                             Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                           Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                         Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                       Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                    Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                 Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                              Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                           Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                        Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                     Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                  Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>               Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>            Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>         Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>       Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>   Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Drip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dripping into the hole.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette wondered what was on the other side, sometimes. The side with all her happiness. How much </span>
  <em>
    <span>better</span>
  </em>
  <span> would she feel if it was the side she felt all the time? Would it be warmer than the everlasting winter her body was cast in?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Would she feel cared for over there?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Logically, Marinette knew she was cared for. But no matter how much people told her they loved her, she felt it was false. Lies made up to console her, and fill her head with fantasies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette wanted to feel loved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tikki told Marinette she loved her, but it seemed superficial. Something said to keep Marinette Ladybug. So she wouldn’t give up the earrings, or give up the fight against Hawkmoth. Said to stay strong, and have a will to keep fighting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette tried not to listen to the doubts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they got louder each day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marinette didn’t know what to do anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except to fake being happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And try not to break.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had a job to do- it wasn’t done yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe after she could get help. Learn to feel again, maybe leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe when it was over she could leave France. Travel the world. Be like her Nonna Gina and never stay in one place for long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could study abroad. Succeed in her dream of being a fashion designer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But for now, she had to wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don't rock the boat, let Lila have what she wants. Stop being selfish and making a big deal out of it. Continue being the everyday Ladybug and let everything go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Follow Adrien’s advice and demands. Ignore Alya, Kim, and Alix’s screams. Let them use her as a punching bag. Ignore Juleka’s declining confidence, and let Rose fall victim to the lies. Let everyone’s futures rot like their friendship with Marinette.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After all, it wasn’t hurting anyone, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then why was it hurting Marinette?</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The black hole depression and spirals are how *my* depression works. I am assuming it is different for everyone, but my coping mechanisms are NOT healthy. But, they work for me. I hide and act happy until I fool myself. “Fake it until you make it”; I guess.</p><p> </p><p>Edit: uhhh I accidentally deleted two comments from here I am really really sorry about that.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>